Happy Solstice!
I no longer celebrate Christmas. It never was one of my favorite holidays anyway. The stress of buying presents for someone you really barely know. Fighting crowds of people, cutting trees, buying decorations only to find at the last moment one light is burned out, so you have to head out into the insanity to purchase, of possible, a whole new strand. How does this relate to Christ's birth?
My sister loved this holiday. Last Christmas she passed just days before the holiday. I participated in it for her. She loved the shopping and craziness. I loved the joy it brought her. Shopping with her was an experience all in itself. She loved it. She would shop all day, only to go back after dinner to the stores that remained open all night. Not sure what the joy in that was, but she loved it. She accepted my idiosyncrasies, so I'll accept hers. And, also, I loved being with her. With her gone what little meaning it had no longer remains. It had no meaning before she passed, and I told her so. So, I always found it interesting, ironic I guess that she passed away on the year I decided I had had enough.
I decided last year I would start celebrating the solstice. With her death and all the other craziness it never happened. Today was my first true solstice celebration. I woke up with a terrible headache, a bit depressed, sad, and a general feeling of blah. I wanted to just pull the covers over my head and pass the day wallowing in self-pity, but the voices in my head kept telling me to get up and out. So I showered and dressed, grabbed my camera and headed out. On the way out of the condo door I met a neighbor; a very nice man. Chatting with a happy person changed my mood and state of mind. I sometimes wonder if I should go back and tell someone how they changed my thinking and mood, my day in general. I stepped outside and the blue sky and brisk air made me feel a bit more alive. I headed to the pond.
My favorite place in the world is Walden Pond. Perhaps it has so much meaning because I studied Thoreau before ever setting foot on the shores of Walden Pond and looking into the exquisite colors of the pond waters. I was in love with the place instantly. I still remember the first time, like it was yesterday. Now, for me, it has magical powers, a draw, a feeling of comfort and awe. My daughter-in-law calls it my pond. Whenever I am in a funk it makes me feel better. My spirits are lifted. A man who works at the pond says it's the center of the universe. I love that description.
I arrived at the pond about mid-day. There is a solstice walk planned, but I decided to do my own walk instead. My original plan was to meet up and do the walk, but once there I felt I wanted to be alone and do my own thing. I stopped by the replica and listened to the ranger talk about Thoreau, and then headed to the pond. I never walk the pond path much anymore. I always head to the other trails. There I rarely see other human visitors and I like it that way. I walked up to Ridge Path and along Weyman Meadow being the first to disturb the snow on those paths. I stopped by the ruins for a moment, said hello to Henry, and headed up to Bean Field Road. I walked out to Route 2 to get a shot of the reservation sign covered in snow then headed back to Old County Road. I came to fork in the road and decided to send someone I was thinking about an email, yes I know an odd thing to do out in nature, but I did it anyway. When I turned around I was staring into the huge eyes of a doe. I think we were in awe of one another, neither of us moved. We just marveled at one another. Neither of us quite sure what to do.
I remembered that eye contact with an animal is confrontational, so I looked away. She headed into the trees. I found her with another doe they both looked at me curiously, although her friend decided to take off right quickly, but she stood there again looking at me as I popped off a few frames. She seemed very curious. She began to walk toward me, but I told her "no-no sweetie don't get too close to humans they aren't all as innocent as me." She began to head toward me so I left not wanting her to befriend a human. As much as I would love that. Not a healthy occupation for her. I turned back to absorb that moment one more time and saw her standing in the path watching me. How unusual. How sweet. And very touching. Like we had this communication of sorts. Like she knew I needed a friend at that moment.
I continued along the path eventually coming back to the pond path where I encountered the ranger giving an interpretive walk so I joined in. We walked along the path discussing Thoreau, the pond and nature. Visiting the site of the cabin he lived in for two years, two months and two days beginning in 1845. When we reached Thoreau Cove we stopped to enjoy the sun warming the bridge and Weyman's meadow. We had a quiet moment that I dedicated to Virginia. It was a beautiful moment. We continued to the beach where we parted ways. I thanked her and told her how much I appreciated the walk and discussion. It was a perfect solstice!
When I returned to my car a feather was stuck in my windshield wiper. Not sure how it managed to get there. Did some one put it there? How did it come to land on my car right in front of me as I sat in the drivers seat? However it arrived there it seemed to be another sign. Now if I could only figure out what that sign means….
