Virginia

One year ago you left the earth. You were my best friend, my sister, and so much like a mother. I've never gotten over this heartache, and at times wonder if I ever will. The past few weeks I've been banging into you, as I often do, just more often lately. I wake in the middle of the night hearing you call my name. When full consciousness returns it is then I realize you are not here.  I remember the last time I saw you. You said "I love you" with more eloquence than usual. I think of that day endlessly. Thanksgiving, 2009 when we parted promising to talk soon. 

I walk in the woods in an attempt to heal. I hear your laugh. That non laugh, sweet exhalations I guess you'd call it.  That no longer are. I sit by the pond and feel you there. That comforting presence. 

I still don't believe you are gone from my life. Most of the time I feel in a fog, a dreamlike state, this surreal space. And think when I wake up you'll be there. I'll tell you "I had this crazy dream," and you'll laugh, and say "I'll always be here for you" and laugh..that sweet laugh I miss so dearly. 

I'll remember you

When the wind blows through the piney wood

It was you who understood

Though I'd never say

That I done it the way

That you'd have like me to

In the end

I'll remember you

Virginia Frances Riggins Spitler 

August 26, 1948 ~ December 19, 2009

Danny Dries August 28, 1941 ~ November 7, 2010

Danny was a very special friend I met through the web. Unfortunately, I never met him in person, but always felt I knew him through our postings and emails.  I heard he passed on yesterday and my heart sank, I cried. I knew he was fighting with health issues and always wondered if anything happened to him, would anyone contact me. I was so honored when his family did so. He was a very special friend to me. I will miss him dearly. I wrote this letter to him shortly after I heard he finished his earthly journey. 

Dear Danny,

I heard today that you passed away. When I read the words I cried. You'd think that was silly. I know. Probably ask me why? You lingered in and out of my mind this weekend. Was that you saying goodbye? 

We never met in person. Yet still, I felt I knew you all my life. I found you surfing the web awaiting my granddaughter's arrival. I read your blog and emailed you and found a sincere, loving friend. You asked me once how we knew each other, because it seemed we always did. You were surprised when I said no, just through the web. 

Time went by, wrapped up in life. I'd visit your blog to see how your life was. I'd email and you, and surprisingly you always remembered who I was.  We exchanged emails and shared our lives. You turned me into a mac user, and for that I am eternally grateful! You tried to be a curmudgeon, but I knew better. I shared my road trips with you, and you promised to join me sometime. I guess that is out of the question? But you were always with me and always will be. Friends would ask who you were, and I'd always say 'my dearest friend.' 

I loved your street scenes, I loved your full moons over the Brooklyn Bridge. I loved that your family was so important to you. I loved the pride you had in all of them. I loved your old photographs. I loved your spirit. 

Time passed on again.

I found you on Facebook and we reconnected. I tired of Facebook, as I often do. I still went to your blog to read and muse. I loved the music you posted. I loved your rambles and insight. Your political views, and your art.  What you were eating seemed so important. The photographs of your family. And your comments about American life. I was amused when you blogged about me disappearing. You made me laugh without even trying.

I ached when you were ill, and they couldn't find a answer for you. I felt the joy you felt when your daughters graduated from high school and were accepted into universities. And then became successful women, who you were so proud of. You wrote to me once: "I'm amazed at the unique talented children I've managed to produce from two failed marriages. " I always felt it was because you were such an amazing father and friend to them. 

You are an amazing friend, an amazing father, an amazing artist, blogger, human and curmudgeon. You are missed. I know you're in a better place, more than likely looking down shaking your head at all the insanity. It's lonely not having your physical being here, or just knowing it is here. But I know you're here in spirit. 

Rest now my friend and know how deeply you are loved and missed. 

Deb

Robert Scott

I woke up thinking of you this morning. When I was in that place between sleep and wake I thought you were still here. Seven years ago was your last day. I was remembering the last time we we're together; riding through the Maine woods, sitting on a log talking about nature. How in awe you were.  I still remember you looking up at the trees and saying, "wow, nature is so cool." I also remember the last thing you said to me as we parted that day:  "I love you Aunt Deb, try to be good." I miss your hugs, I miss your laugh, I miss your smile ... I miss you.

Robert Scott Dabbondanza

October 14, 1979 ~ October 8, 2003

The Pretenders - Back On The Chain Gang HD

This song always reminds me of my sister. "I found a picture of you...those were the happiest days of my life." I was listening to this song driving through Ohio this summer, listening to Hynde traveling in her home state I thought was happenstance. But I digress, I had to pull over listening to the words, they never seemed so significant as they did at that moment. Funny how things just strike at certain moments. thoughts of her catch me off guard at times. Why she pops into my thoughts when she does? This very nice man pulled behind me to see if I was having car trouble. I told him I was just missing someone a lot and was overcome. Very sweet man. Makes me wonder at times what the people I met along my journey are doing now. I miss being on the road, meeting people, and finding out about them, where they live, where they are headed and what brought them to that time and space.