Virginia

One year ago you left the earth. You were my best friend, my sister, and so much like a mother. I've never gotten over this heartache, and at times wonder if I ever will. The past few weeks I've been banging into you, as I often do, just more often lately. I wake in the middle of the night hearing you call my name. When full consciousness returns it is then I realize you are not here.  I remember the last time I saw you. You said "I love you" with more eloquence than usual. I think of that day endlessly. Thanksgiving, 2009 when we parted promising to talk soon. 

I walk in the woods in an attempt to heal. I hear your laugh. That non laugh, sweet exhalations I guess you'd call it.  That no longer are. I sit by the pond and feel you there. That comforting presence. 

I still don't believe you are gone from my life. Most of the time I feel in a fog, a dreamlike state, this surreal space. And think when I wake up you'll be there. I'll tell you "I had this crazy dream," and you'll laugh, and say "I'll always be here for you" and laugh..that sweet laugh I miss so dearly. 

I'll remember you

When the wind blows through the piney wood

It was you who understood

Though I'd never say

That I done it the way

That you'd have like me to

In the end

I'll remember you

Virginia Frances Riggins Spitler 

August 26, 1948 ~ December 19, 2009